Bit Rap

As a stress relief, a coworker of mine and I created our own parody to “99 Problems” by Jay-Z. Enjoy.

If you’re having parity problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bit aint one
I’ve got the right controls, on the host patrol
Those that wanna make sure my ports are closed
Bad critics find those “honeypot holes”
I’m from the web, stupid, what type of ACKs are those
I’ll throw stuff at you like my zapatos
You’ll celebrate the minute you’re DDOS’n those
I’m like “f*** APT you can kiss my whole a**hole”
If you don’t like my proxy you can just fast forward
Got beef with UDP If I don’t hear, they slow
They don’t send my data, well I don’t give a sh*t SO
You cracks can kiss my missing ACKs
Maybe I’ll acknowledge your packets for cash…hackers
I don’t know what you install me  as
Or understand the intelligence that Kazy has
I went from rags to riches like a 0 to 1
I’ve got 99 problems but a bit aint one
The year is 1974 the unix epoch plus four
in my voip system the encoding… ULAW
I’ve got binary 10 choices ya’ll rate limit some or
Push all the packets with the pedal to the floor
Now I aint trying to see no bandwith chase with AT&T
plus I gotta few routers I can fight the case
So I, talk to the provider after putting them on hold 
and I heard “son do you know what we’re blocking you for?”
“Cuz I’m young and I’m torrenting an album by All Time Low?
“Do I look like I sniff your packets sir, I don’t know”
“Am I getting a cease and desist or should I get some mo’”
“Well you was pulling down 5MB when you were only provisioned for 4
Username and password, now tell me what they are
Are you TORing your IP I know alotta you are”
“I aint stopping sh*t all my downloads legit”
“Well do you mind if I look around your drive a little bit?”
“Well my true crypt is intact and my executables are packed
and I know my rights, you’d be violating the computer abuse act”
“Well we don’t want that, you some kind of blogger or something?
Or somebody always writing about important somethings?”
“I ain’t got a wordpress but I know a little bit
enough that I’d go public with this shit”
“We’ll see how much you say when the FBI comes”
I’ve got 99 problems and now the feds are one

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *